An Advocate In Family Law Cases

Dangers increase when leaving a violent spouse

On Behalf of | Jul 14, 2024 | Domestic Violence Restraining Orders

If your spouse or intimate partner has abused you, it’s time to start planning your exit strategy. No one should have to live under the thumb of an abuser or even one who threatens abuse.

But you must also be very careful in the weeks and days prior to leaving your abusive partner. Below is some information that can explain why your actions now are so critical.

Right before you leave, the risk of domestic violence rises

If your abuser learns that you are planning to take the kids and leave them, they may lash out violently to prevent that from happening. Their mindset becomes, “If I can’t have them, no one can.” You don’t even have to be ready to move on to another partner for your leaving to trigger that reaction.

Create a safety plan

Once you’ve made your decision to leave, if you have the luxury of being able to plan your escape — many abused partners are forced to leave with just the clothing they’re wearing  — start acting. Gather together the following:

  • Birth certificates and immigration documents
  • Copies of financial records
  • Social Security cards
  • Medications
  • Clothing
  • Diapers and formula

Don’t get caught in the trap of stashing a lot of photos or other sentimental items that could immediately inform your abuser of your plans to flee. No object is worth jeopardizing the lives and safety of you and your children.

What happens next?

Once you have a bag packed and ready to go, leave it somewhere or with someone your abuser doesn’t know like a co-worker or old college friend. When the time is right, then make your move to safety.

Learning more about the community property system here in California can help you determine what you should seek in the property settlement process of your eventual divorce.