When divorced or separated parents remain mutually invested in raising their children, they generally choose between two main approaches: co-parenting and parallel parenting. Both methods aim to support a child’s well-being, but they differ when it comes to communication expectations, how a child is parented in each home and general dynamics.
If you and your co-parent are splitting and you’re unsure of how best to move forward while raising your kids, consider each option carefully. There is no “right” way — only a better way for your unique circumstances.
Co-parenting
Co-parenting involves active collaboration between both parents, with an emphasis on open communication, shared decision-making and a unified approach to parenting. Co-parents often work together on scheduling, activities, school matters and discipline, aiming a consistent environment across both households.
When co-parenting, flexibility may be exercised whenever necessary and appropriate. Parents may adjust schedules to accommodate the child’s activities or each other’s commitments and often consult one another before making major decisions affecting their child. Regular communication is also a feature of co-parenting, whether through phone calls, texts or shared apps that help track schedules and share updates. This approach is most effective when parents can maintain a respectful, cooperative relationship.
Parallel parenting
Parallel parenting is a structured approach designed for situations where co-parenting is not feasible due to ongoing conflict and/or poor communication. When parallel parenting, each parent takes responsibility for the child independently, with minimal interaction or coordination with the other parent. Communication is limited to essential topics only, often through written forms like email or a parenting app, which can minimize direct contact and the potential for disagreements.
In this approach, each parent follows their own routines and rules within their household. For example, one parent may have a different bedtime routine or approach to discipline than the other. By limiting the overlap in parenting styles and responsibilities, parallel parenting helps minimize conflicts. Parallel parenting is especially beneficial when parents cannot interact without hostility, as it allows both to stay involved in the child’s life without exposing their child to conflict. This approach can also evolve over time; some parents transition to a co-parenting model once initial conflicts subside and communication improves.
It is worth repeating that there is no right way to approach shared parenting. There is only the better way for each family’s unique circumstances.